Snap Judgments. Discover How Wrong You Can Be.

“I used to get so caught up in deciding whether something or someone met my impossibly high standards that I lost sight of reality.”

From the book, The Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey

Olivia realized how unfair it was to make snap judgments about people based on things like how they looked, how they talked or where they lived.  Last week my friend Paul told me that when he finds himself jumping to conclusions about people he doesn’t know, he plays a game he calls, “How wrong can I be?”

My friend offered an example from a recent AA meeting.  As he looked around the group Paul noticed a man he did not know. In his late 40′s the stranger sported an earring and a ponytail and carried a leather purse.  He remembered thinking, “The guy must be some kind of “New Ager. He’s probably an aging hippy whose worse crime was being one toke over the line one too many times. When it comes to suffering he’s a lightweight compared to me.”

When it was Paul’s turn to speak to the group he mentioned that before he got sober years ago, his worse nightmare was killing somebody while driving drunk during one of his frequent black outs. The stranger spoke next. He offered his personal story as a powerful cautionary tale.

The man told the group that his parents had both been alcoholics who thought nothing of beating him and locking him in the basement for days at a time. When he went into foster care his life went from bad to worse. He was sexually abused by two of his foster parents.  In junior high he started abusing alcohol, eventually flunked out of school and at age 16 struck out on his own.  In his early twenties he blacked out while driving a truck at high speed and hit a woman on a sidewalk as she was pushing a her baby in a stroller . The baby was killed instantly. He was convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 13 years in prison.

The man said that when he got to prison he was so distraught and remorseful about what he had done that he didn’t want to go on living. He attempted suicide several times. That all changed when one of his counselors gave him a reality check. She pointed out that the  young mother had survived the tragic accident and had gone on to live a normal life. The baby boy had gone to Heaven. It was time for him let go of his self-pity and get on with living his life.

After the meeting Paul approached the stranger and introduced himself. He thanked the man for sharing his story and admitted how wrong he had been about him. They talked awhile and discovered that they shared many of the same interests including a fondness for vintage motorcycles.

The next time you encounter a stranger and make a snap judgment about them, try Paul’s game. Discover just how wrong you can be!

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