It’s easy to feel less confident about the future when all we hear on TV and read in the newspapers is how bad the economy is. If we act as if these dire worst-case scenarios are inevitable, they are destined to become self-fulfilling prophecies. The economist Ben Stein summed up this no-confidence phenomena in a recent New York Times column, “Business is a lot like sex. Both are better when the participants are confident.”

A few months ago, I saw what happened when the employees in a large contact center lost confidence. The company is a large outsourcer that takes inbound customer service calls for several U.S. utilities. Word spread among the front-line reps that their biggest client was unhappy and had decided not to renew their contract. Once the rumor mill kicked into gear, it wasn’t long before the reps were spinning multiple worst-case scenarios. Convinced that there was going to be a major lay off, employee morale tanked. The performance scores of the entire contact center plummeted.

Luckily, the center’s manager was an old hand at dealing with rumor-generated panic. She understood that Nature abhors a vacuum. Absent the facts, it is natural for people to speculate about what could be true. Enter the rumor hill. She also subscribed to what I call, the “Rule of Five.” That is, if you want a group of employees to really “get” an important message, delivering it once is never enough. The same message should be delivered at least five times and in five different ways. Even then, you’ll be lucky if 80% of the group actually take it to heart.

As it turned out, when the employees learned that the client wasn’t going anywhere and had, in fact, just inked a new multi-year contract, the employees breathed a collective sigh of relief. Confidence was restored. Performance scores shot up and service levels went back to normal.

The next time you notice that the people around you are suffering a lack of confidence and are pessimistic about their future, remember the wise words of Mr. Stein.

“You can never get away from life’s problems.”

Excerpted from the book, The Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey.

Olivia was plagued with problems. She was about to get fired from her new job; she and her husband were on the outs; her twins were having problems at school. When she asked her wise friend, Isabel, what she should do, Isabel shared a story that helped her understand that problems are just part of life.

Years ago, when Isabel was in similar straights she had a conversation with her mother that went like this, “I sat down with my mother and related my problems, expecting her to take my side and say everything would be okay. She let me tell my whole sad tale, sitting quietly and saying nothing. I desperately needed some answers. ‘What can I do?’ she pleaded.  Her mother replied, ‘For the ten problems of life that come to us - family troubles, work problems and money worries, finding your way in the world — I have no solution. But you have an eleventh problem. For that one I have help. The eleventh problem is your view that you should not have the ten problems. You can never get away from life’s problems. Thinking that you can get away from them will make you always want to run from your life.’

Several years ago I had a long list of problems, too. I was going through a messy divorce; was facing financial ruin; and my dad had just died after a long illness. I was visiting my friend, CJ, in San Francisco to get a break from it all.

That was where I played my first game of Whac-a-Mole. Picture a board with lots of round holes. The idea was to hit the moles with my mallet as they randomly popped out of their holes. Trouble was, I no sooner hit one mole and another one would pop up and disappear before I could hit it. I remember laughing to myself and thinking that the game was a metaphor for my life at the time.

The military uses the term “Whac -a-Mole” to refer to opposing troops who keep re-appearing: Whack the mole here and it dies, but another pops up in a different spot.

Usually I make New Year’s resolutions, but this year I’ve decided not to. I’m going to put away my mallet, sit back and watch the problems as they come and go. Just like Whac-a-Mole.

I hope 2009 brings you loads of love and happiness.

Olivia’s supervisor had a sign in her office that summed up her management philosophy. It read:
Great Supervisors Do Two Things:
1. Follow the Golden Rule: “Treat others as you would like to be treated.”
2. Do the right thing.

Excerpted from the book, The Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey.

Of all the supervisors Olivia worked for over the years, she thought Lucy was one of the best.  Unlike some supervisors, Lucy actually walked the talk. When she made a promise she kept it. She listened more than she talked. But what Olivia appreciated most about Lucy was that she treated everyone fairly.

People aren’t the only ones who appreciate getting a fair shake. Last week I read an interesting article in the Minneapolis Star Tribune about reward experiments done with dogs. According to the article, “The dogs sat side-by-side with an experimenter in front of them. In the front of the experimenter was a bowl with sausage and bread. The dogs were asked to shake hands and each could see what reward the other dogs received. When one dog got a reward and the other didn’t, the unrewarded animal stopped playing. When both got a reward all was well.” The researchers were surprised to discover that the dogs didn’t care whether they got a piece of bread or a sausage, as long as they got a reward.

Obviously, people are not dogs, even though many dogs (my dog included) believe otherwise.  When dogs or people know they can trust their leader they will follow them anywhere, even if it means leaving their comfort zone. My dog, Layla, and I have that kind of trust. Who else would leave her cozy spot in front of a warm fire to go for a walk in sub-zero weather?

Share your wisdom.

“You are experiencing what happens when you are happy. Happy from the inside. Happy people put out more positive energy. You aren’t aware that you are doing it. You can’t see it, but other people feel it. When they feel it, they respond to you in a positive way. They smile at you.”

Excerpted from the book, The Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey.

Once Olivia resigned from what she jokingly referred to as her self-appointed position as the “General Manager of the Universe,” she noticed that her life got a whole lot easier. Her ability to be more patient transformed her relationships both at home and at work. But what she hadn’t realized was that the happiness she was feeling on the inside was visible to others. She was mystified when strangers she encountered on the street smiled at her for “no reason.” Isabel, her wise friend, explained that all that smiling was a side effect of her new, happier feeling.

A recent study by researchers at Harvard proved that happiness is contagious. The study of 4700 people over 20 years concluded that people who are happy or become happy impact the happiness of those around them for up to a year. “You would think that your emotional state would depend on your own choices and actions and experience,” said researcher, Nicholas Christakis, a Harvard medical sociologist. “But it also depends on the choices and actions and experiences of other people, including people to whom you are not directly connected. Happiness is contagious.”

Make a difference. Be happy.

“When I told him about Lucy’s offer, he said, ‘You’re going to take it aren’t you?’  As if it was a no brainer.”

“Jake was a coach at heart. ‘Olivia, you’ve got to give it a try. Remember, you need to be in the game in order to win.’”

Excerpted from the book, The Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey

Shortly after Olivia finally became a permanent employee at Mighty Power, her supervisor asked her to fill in as a team leader for a few months. Luckily, she accepted the challenge. Had she not spread her wings, she would not have discovered that she had the talent to be a leader. Olivia’s success as a team leader literally changed the direction of her life.

In the last few years I have spread my wings, took a few flights and crashed — multiple times. Looking back, I know that had I not crashed, my book, The Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey, would never have materialized. Like Olivia, taking those risks and failing made what initially seemed impossible — possible.

Here is a list of some of my flights — and crashes:

Risk #1. I’d never written a book, but decided to give it a try. My motivation? To write a story that would help the service reps I worked with handle the many challenges of their job more easily. About 100 of my clients and friends read the story in manuscript form and liked it. Many told me that reading it had changed them in fundamental ways. (2003)
Crash #1. Encouraged by the response, I sent the manuscript to 15 publishers and was rejected by all 15. (2004)
Crash #2. I decided to take a different route. I wrote to 10 literary agents to see if they’d represent the book to publishers. All said “Thanks, but no thanks.” (2004)
Risk #2. I self-published the book and created a website for it. Sold out the first printing in 3 months. (2006)
Risk #3. Ordered a 2nd printing and invested in a new website.  Subsequently sold those books and ordered a 3rd printing. (2007)
Risk #4. After having some success with the book, I decided I’d try again to get it published by a major publisher. I reached out to Mark Sanborn, the author of The Fred Factor (another fable book) to get his advice. Mark loved the book and referred me to his friend, a senior editor at John Wiley & Sons. I submitted a proposal to Wiley and they made me an offer to buy the rights to the book. (June, 2008)
Crash #3. I turned down Wiley’s offer. After reviewing the terms of the contract and discussing it with my literary attorney, I determined that Wiley was not the publisher for me. (July, 2008)
Risk #5. I decided to try again to get an agent to represent me. The two that I wrote to (from the original list of 15) contacted me immediately, expressing their interest. I ultimately decided on Joelle Delbourgo, one of the best in the business. (August, 2008)

Within days Joelle managed to get several offers from the big publishing houses, including a dream offer (with a six-figure advance) from Hay House. I happily accepted.  The book is scheduled to be released in hardcover in February 2010. Hay House plans to market the book throughout the world and translate it into several languages.

That’s my publishing story in a nutshell. Am I glad that I took the risks? You bet. Was the process more work than I ever imagined? You have no idea….. Was all drama and pain worth it? Absolutely. Will I fail again? Undoubtedly.

This week spread your wings. Trust me. It’s the only way to fly.

Share the wisdom.

P.S. An update on the book: Hay House informed me last week that they sold the rights to the book to a publisher in Holland who will translate it into Dutch. (!)