Are you tired of letting others (employees, friends, family) transfer their unresolved problems to you instead of handling them on their own — or at least trying to?

When I think about what it means to take personal responsibility for outcomes, I recall the story of the overworked manager trying to manage an office full of noisy, impatient monkeys. He realized that he had created the situation by allowing his employees to transfer their monkeys (unresolved problems) to him instead finding their own solutions.

The man could see that by allowing his employees to “delegate up” he was depriving them of the opportunity to learn and develop their skills. Since the employee was so close to the issue there was a good chance that they could find the answers, if they were empowered and encouraged to do so.

I had the same problem when I was a new manager. Exhausted from working late every day and spending Saturdays playing catch up I knew something had to change, I just didn’t know what. Luckily I read that story and recognized that I too was guilty of accepting other people’s monkeys. So, at the next staff meeting I shared my recent Aha! and asked my employees to change their approach. I called it the “One to Three Formula for Problem Resolution”: For every problem you present to me you must also bring three potential solutions.

Once the employees assumed a greater share of responsibility the entire organization benefited. Departments who were fond of finger-pointing were forced to collaborate with each other to find solutions. Employees who used to complain that the status quo wasn’t working were challenged to find a better way.

As for me? I spent my Saturdays taking golf lessons. Even though I ended up to be a lousy golfer, I decided that a bad day on the golf course was eons better than being stuck in my office with a bunch of screaming monkeys.

This week when someone wants you to fix a problem ask them to return with their own ideas for resolving the issue.

“Happy people put out more positive energy. You can’t see it, but other people feel it. When they feel it, they respond to you in a positive way.”
– Excerpt from The Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey

When you are feeling overwhelmed by life, take a moment during your day to appreciate what you have. Research (McCollough, Emmons 2003) has proven that an attitude of gratitude has a positive impact on our emotional well-being and overall happiness. In this study, a group of students kept a journal of daily events that were unpleasant. A second group wrote down the things in their life for which they were grateful. Researchers found that the gratitude group had “– higher levels of the positive states of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy.”
This study also found that people who take time to deliberately acknowledge their gratitude were more likely to feel loved, and that other people reciprocated with their own kindness. Also, grateful people were grateful regardless of whether pleasant events happened in their day or not. In other words, they did not just have moments of gratefulness, but grateful attitudes.

3 Tips for Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude

1. Abundance Journal.
Keep a small notebook handy (on your bedside table, at your desk at work, in your purse or backpack) and write down specific things in your life that you are thankful for.

2. Gratitude Rock.
Find a smooth rock or stone that feels good in your hand and carry it with you. Put it in your backpack or your purse and when you touch the rock pause for a moment to say “Thank you” for something in your life (a person, a situation, a possession, an insight, a feeling) for which you are grateful.

3. Abundance Tree.
My personal reminder to be grateful is a beautiful old oak tree in the Carleton Arboretum close to where I live. Every day when I am out for my run I stop at my “abundance tree” to express my gratitude for all the wonderful things in my life. As I touch the bark (in the same place every time), I feel my connection to the Earth and am reminded of my connection to all living things.

This week cultivate your own attitude of gratitude. It costs nothing and is a gift that keeps on giving.

My photographer friend Bonnie Fournier and I have a lot in common. We are both passionate about doing our part to make a positive difference in the lives of others. We are storytellers. While I write stories that incorporate ancient wisdom and share these stories with groups, Bonnie tells her stories with her marvelous photographs. When Bonnie and I aren’t out doing our thing, we work alone honing our craft, implementing our wacky change-the-world plans and promoting our vision to anyone who will listen. On those occasions when I hit a snag and wonder if what I’m doing really is worth all the effort, I can count on Bonnie to talk me off the ledge.

In 2006 Bonnie decided to create 10,000 photos of people smooching each other. The Smooch! Project Mission:
“To serve as a photographic testament that all humans, regardless of social, economic, or political barriers, share a joyful willingness to welcome love and affection into their lives. It’s about love. It’s about tolerance. It’s about gratitude.”

Since then my friend has conducted “Smooch! Shoots” in various locations in Minnesota (including a recent session at a Tatoo Convention) and has collected 2200 photos so far. To accomplish her goal of amassing 10,000 Smooch! photos, she intends to travel to every state in the US. Eventually she’d like to publish a book about her photographic journey.
In order to finance the launch of the national tour, Bonnie needs to locate a corporate sponsor sympathetic to the cause. After going through a list of possibilities it dawned on her that the Smooch! Project would be a perfect fit for Ellen DeGeneres. Ellen’s show could chronicle Bonnie’s adventures as she travels from place to place taking photos of interesting people and telling their stories. But first Bonnie needed to attract the attention and the interest of a producer on The Ellen DeGeneres show. A daunting task.
Her solution? Conduct a series of Ellen Smooch! Shoots and send the photos to one of the producers.
The Shoots were nothing short of amazing. The pictures were hilarious. People who lived hundreds of miles away showed up to have their picture taken smooching their hero Ellen. In addition to having their photo taken kissing a cut-out of Ellen, each person wrote a personal note asking Ellen to support the Project.
Bonnie packed up the photos and the notes of support from each Ellen Smooch! Shoot. and sent them off to a producer on the Ellen DeGeneres Show. The last batch was sent yesterday. My friend hopes to hear something soon.
This week when you need a reason to smile peruse some of the Smooch! Project photos. It works for me every time. And if you are so inclined, you can purchase a photo or contribute to the cause by making a donation via PayPal. You can keep abreast of Bonnie’s progress on the Smooch Blog.
I hope that you share our belief that each of us has the power to make a positive difference in the life of someone else. Start small. Think big.