Every day we are faced with situations that generate intense emotions – some of which get us into trouble. While we can’t control much of what happens to us, we can control how we react to  people and events.

That’s the key message I deliver in my keynotes and workshops. Last week I had the opportunity to share the tools and techniques for using SODA and mindfulness to reduce on-the-job stress with 40 employees who work in the Victim Services’ Unit of the State of Pennsylvania.

Talk about a stress; imagine a job in which you provided emotional support and financial assistance to thousands of traumatized crime victims who are trying to put their lives back together. Imagine working for an agency that is so bogged down in bureaucratic red tape that getting even the simplest thing done could take an eternity. Now imagine doing that job and not receiving a paycheck. That’s right, the employees of the State of Pennsylvania have been working without pay for weeks because the State Legislature and the Governor can’t agree on a budget.

While the Victims’ Services staff has zero control over what the legislature does, the decisions that produce the red tape, or the emotional state of their clients, they do have control over one thing. That is, how they react to challenging situations and the people who produce them.

In the workshop I explained SODA (Stop.Observe what is, Decide. Act), the four-step process they can use to remain calm “no matter what.” I gave examples of how it worked in various situations. As I did, I could feel the mood in the room lift. These beleaguered folks understood that they had more power than they thought they had.

After dividing the group into six smaller groups, I asked each person to share an example of a “SODA Moment” from their life with their group. I explained that a SODA Moment was the point at which we lose control over our emotions and say or do things that we later regret. Often it occurs when someone pushes our buttons and without thinking we overreact. Each group picked a story to share with the larger group and drew a picture on flipchart paper to illustrate it.

There was a mix of stories. Some were very touching like the one Karen told about being stood up by her friend multiple times. Feeling hurt and very angry, she considered telling her friend off and never seeing her again. Her SODA moment was when she stopped long enough to consider the possibility that maybe it wasn’t personal and maybe there was a reason for her friend’s behavior. When she stopped by to talk with her friend she found out that she was going through a difficult time and didn’t feel much like socializing.

Danielle told one of the funniest stories and had everyone in stitches. She went to pick up  a couple of bottles of cleaner for her Swiffer and when she got home she that the bottles had spilled all over the trunk of her brand new car. She was so upset about the prospect of having to spend money to replace the liner in her trunk that when her boyfriend asked her what he could do to help, she snapped at him and told him to go away. He was so hurt he didn’t speak to her for the rest of the night. She recognized two SODA Moments: the first when she discovered the spill and overreacted and the second when she yelled at her boyfriend.

This week do yourself a favor and everyone else and remember to have a SODA. In the meantime, cross your fingers and hope that Pennsylvania resolves their budget impasse soon.

Ter-ror-ist
A person that causes extreme fear.

The term “terrorist” conjures up images of evil-doers like Osama bin Laden. But did you know that you have internal terrorists bent on sabotaging your best efforts?

When the Gallup Organization measured engagement levels of 80,000 employees they found that:
28% of the employees were engaged.
Engaged employees work with passion.  Because they feel a strong connection to the organization, they work hard to innovate and improve.
54% were not engaged.
Employees do the work expected of them, but do not put in extra effort.
17 % were actively disengaged
Employees in this category are not only unhappy; they are spreading their unhappiness to other staff. According to the Gallup Management Journal, “Actively disengaged” employees — those fundamentally disconnected from their jobs — cost the U.S. economy between $292 billion and $355 billion a year.”
Engagement pays off in higher productivity, lower costs and most importantly highly satisfied and loyal customers. Many managers I know focus their efforts on getting the 54 % of employees who are disengaged to be more engaged. After working as a consultant in this field for many years I recommend that managers also make every effort to reduce the number of “actively disengaged” employees, or what I call “internal terrorists.”

Six strategies for reducing the impact internal terrorists have on your organization.

1. Get them on your side.
Many unhappy employees are talented “informal leaders” who have a knack for influencing the opinions of their co-workers. Put their talents to work by giving them an opportunity to get involved in new initiatives.
2. Communicate, communicate, communicate and then communicate some more.
Get out in front of the rumor mill by sharing information. If you don’t provide the facts and information your employees crave, you can bet that your local terrorist will gladly fill that void with damaging dis-information.
3.  Have a friendly chat.
Many unhappy employees feel that they are not being heard and are misunderstood. If you haven’t met with these individuals one to one recently, do it soon. Every unhappy employee is dissatisfied for a combination of reasons. Find out what those reasons are and see what you can do to help.
4. Consider the possibility that they could be right.
It’s easy to pigeonhole an employee as troublemaker or pain in the rear. Try putting judgment aside and listen to what your unhappy employees have to say. It is very possible they could be right.
5. Thwart toxic talk and gossip.
If left unchecked, chronic negativity (often driven by disgruntled employees) kills morale and can destroy organizations. When you overhear employees making negative comments about another department for example, let them know that is unacceptable. The same applies to gossip. Don’t do it and don’t tolerate it.
6. Help your disengaged employees make a “career decision.”
It’s entirely possible that these unhappy people are in the wrong job. If so, help him or her find the right match. They will be happier and so will everyone else.

In a nutshell, the best anti-terrorism strategy is to communicate with employees frequently and listen closely to what they have to say.

What does a floppy, rubber chicken and $100 got to do with keeping great employees motivated? Plenty, according to David C. Novak, Chairman and CEO of Yum Brands (KFC, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell and other successful restaurants).  In an interview in yesterday’s New York Times, he explained, “I’d go into a restaurant and I would see a cook who’d been there for 25 years and the product was great, so I’d give him a floppy chicken. I’d write on it and tell him his ‘Original Recipe’ was fantastic, and take a picture of him with me. And then I’d give him $100 because you couldn’t eat a floppy chicken.”

Novak believes, as I do, “– that people have an innate need for well-deserved recognition. Using recognition is the best way to build a high-energy, fun culture and reinforce the behaviors that drive results.”

Mr. Novak made several points worth repeating. (His comments are in quotes.)

• You can’t give “too much” recognition.
• People are “starved” for feedback that will help them improve. It’s the managers’ job to provide employees with specific, actionable suggestions.
• Recognition needs to have two components. “One, it needs to be deserved. And, two, it needs to come from the heart.”
• When offering feedback always start with giving the employee credit for what he or she is doing right. “When you start out by talking to people about what they’re doing well, that makes them very receptive for feedback.”
• After that he phrases his suggestion for improvment this way: “And you can be even more effective if you do this.”
• Choose your words carefully. “I think ‘but’ is a killer word. ‘And’ really recognizes the appreciation part. If you say ‘but,’ it throws all the appreciation stuff out the window.”
• “No one is going to care about you unless you care about them.”
• Focus on recognizing the people who are “getting it done.” “Why be selfish on the thing that matters most people?”

This week think about what your equivalent of Novak’s “floppy, rubber chicken” could be. With a little creativity, I bet you can find your own “original recipe” for letting your people know that you care about them.
Gee, you look younger.

Since returning from my 9-day meditation retreat in northern Wisconsin, my friends have been asking me what the experience was like. They can’t quite fathom the idea of not talking for that long, let alone having zero contact with the outside world (no phone, email, newspaper, etc.) Frankly, neither could I until I actually did it.

I can’t find the words to explain the impact the experience had on me. Suffice it to say that I am a different and much happier person for having done it. I’d do it again in a heart beat. I guess my state of blissed-out happiness is noticeable. My friend, Machelle, said that “I look younger.” Now, that’s a bonus I didn’t expect.

( This is a photo of my happy roomies and me on the last day of the retreat. Left to right: me, Jean, Leah and Natalie.)