“No meeting would be complete without Nikki, a.k.a. Miss Grumpy, offering her opinion on what was wrong.”

From the book, The Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey.

You probably have a naysayer like Nikki on your team. When everyone on the team is in agreement on what should be done, she asks “Why?” While your natural inclination may be to stifle her or even eliminate her from the team, Harvard Professor, J. Richard Hackman believes that would be a mistake. He contends that every team needs one deviant and that if your team doesn’t have at least one, you should go out and find one.

In an interview in this month’s issue of Harvard Business Review titled “Why Teams Don’t Work,” Hackman debunks many long-held beliefs about the wisdom of teams. On the subject of the value of  having naysayers on a team, he provides convincing evidence that in order to be successful, every  team needs someone to ask the tough questions. “In our research, we’ve looked  at teams that produced something original and those that were merely average, where nothing really sparkled. It turned out that the teams with deviants outperformed teams without them. In many cases, deviant thinking is the source of great innovation.”

Hackman also points out that the person who questions the status quo does so at their own peril. As someone who has played the role of deviant many times in groups, I know it takes a lot of courage to go against grain.  When I raised a question or voiced a concern in a meeting, I noticed two distinct reactions: anger on the part of those who were invested in “The Way to Go ” and gratitude from those who were thinking the same thing I was, but didn’t want to be the one to articulate it.

This week, hug the deviant in your group.

When the dowdy, middle-aged woman walked onto the stage of the British equivalent of American Idol, I instantly felt sorry for her.  There she was, another no-talent contestant put on the show so that sick Simon Cowel can humiliate her in front of millions of people. This was a lamb about to be slaughtered.

Susan Boyle wore a formless, beige dress and sensible shoes. The color of her hose was all wrong and her eye brows too thick. She had several double chins. The song she selected, “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Miserables was too ambitious for a rooky like her. Simon laughed at her. The audience rolled their eyes and licked their lips. They could almost taste the blood.

Susan was no lamb. Far from it. When she opened her mouth to sing, out came a gorgeous, angelic voice filled with certainty.  She delivered the song proudly and perfectly. She was amazing!  The people in the audience who seconds before were mocking her, instantly broke into wild applause. Simon was so shocked that his jaw dropped and he actually smiled. I felt such a rush of emotion that I cried.

Over the last few days I have played Susan’s audition on YouTube many times. I tear up every time. I am
not sure why watching that woman sing elicits such strong emotions in me. Maybe it’s her amazing voice. Maybe it’s the lyrics. Maybe I get emotional for another, more subtle reason. Could it be that I feel sad and somewhat ashamed that I joined the pack and passed judgment on her before she even opened her mouth?

You and I know better than to judge another person by way he or she looks, or anything else so arbitrary. Yet we do it all the time. While passing judgment on people who are different than we are may seem innocent enough, it is far from it. When we go about deciding whether he or she is too old, or too fat, or has made an unfortunate choice of shoes, we miss out on the Truth.

The Truth is we are much more alike than we want to admit. Underneath the facade we present to the world, we all share the same fears and insecurities. But even more important to realize, is that we all have a deep desire to be loved and appreciated for who we are.

This week do your best to resist passing judgment on others. Focus instead on how similar you really are. If you need a reminder go see Susan Boyle on YouTube.

Share the wisdom and enjoy the journey.

“I could see that judging situations — and people — as good or bad, right, wrong, fast, or slow was not useful. I had heard the weatherman on the radio refer to this tendency as the “Goldilocks syndrome.” He remarked that people who lived in the Midwest complained a lot about the weather. Because of the extremes in temperature (from 30 below in the winter to 100 degrees in the summer), the conditions are always “too hot” or “too cold.”  The weather is hardly ever “just right.”

From the book, The Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey.

I wish the weather outside was 75 degrees and sunny. But the fact is the temperature is 50 degrees and cloudy.  No amount of wishing on my part is going to change that. It is what it is — and it ain’t what it ain’t.                                                                                                   

The same goes for expecting others to behave a certain way and then being disappointed or upset when they don’t. I have noticed that the happiest, most successful people I know are also the most realistic. They tend to see situations for what they are and react accordingly.  Instead of wasting their time complaining about the situations (or people) that are beyond their control, they focus on doing what they need to do to achieve their goals.  Maybe these people are on to something.

This week be happier and more successful by focusing more of your energy on what matters and less on what doesn’t.