December, 2008

I will always have problems.

By Barbara Burke. December 29th, 2008

“You can never get away from life’s problems.”

Excerpted from the book, The Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey.

Olivia was plagued with problems. She was about to get fired from her new job; she and her husband were on the outs; her twins were having problems at school. When she asked her wise friend, Isabel, what she should do, Isabel shared a story that helped her understand that problems are just part of life.

Years ago, when Isabel was in similar straights she had a conversation with her mother that went like this, “I sat down with my mother and related my problems, expecting her to take my side and say everything would be okay. She let me tell my whole sad tale, sitting quietly and saying nothing. I desperately needed some answers. ‘What can I do?’ she pleaded.  Her mother replied, ‘For the ten problems of life that come to us – family troubles, work problems and money worries, finding your way in the world — I have no solution. But you have an eleventh problem. For that one I have help. The eleventh problem is your view that you should not have the ten problems. You can never get away from life’s problems. Thinking that you can get away from them will make you always want to run from your life.’

Several years ago I had a long list of problems, too. I was going through a messy divorce; was facing financial ruin; and my dad had just died after a long illness. I was visiting my friend, CJ, in San Francisco to get a break from it all.

That was where I played my first game of Whac-a-Mole. Picture a board with lots of round holes. The idea was to hit the moles with my mallet as they randomly popped out of their holes. Trouble was, I no sooner hit one mole and another one would pop up and disappear before I could hit it. I remember laughing to myself and thinking that the game was a metaphor for my life at the time.

The military uses the term “Whac -a-Mole” to refer to opposing troops who keep re-appearing: Whack the mole here and it dies, but another pops up in a different spot.

Usually I make New Year’s resolutions, but this year I’ve decided not to. I’m going to put away my mallet, sit back and watch the problems as they come and go. Just like Whac-a-Mole.

I hope 2009 brings you loads of love and happiness.

Treats Are Always Welcome

By Barbara Burke. December 15th, 2008

Olivia’s supervisor had a sign in her office that summed up her management philosophy. It read:
Great Supervisors Do Two Things:
1. Follow the Golden Rule: “Treat others as you would like to be treated.”
2. Do the right thing.

Excerpted from the book, The Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey.

Of all the supervisors Olivia worked for over the years, she thought Lucy was one of the best.  Unlike some supervisors, Lucy actually walked the talk. When she made a promise she kept it. She listened more than she talked. But what Olivia appreciated most about Lucy was that she treated everyone fairly.

People aren’t the only ones who appreciate getting a fair shake. Last week I read an interesting article in the Minneapolis Star Tribune about reward experiments done with dogs. According to the article, “The dogs sat side-by-side with an experimenter in front of them. In the front of the experimenter was a bowl with sausage and bread. The dogs were asked to shake hands and each could see what reward the other dogs received. When one dog got a reward and the other didn’t, the unrewarded animal stopped playing. When both got a reward all was well.” The researchers were surprised to discover that the dogs didn’t care whether they got a piece of bread or a sausage, as long as they got a reward.

Obviously, people are not dogs, even though many dogs (my dog included) believe otherwise.  When dogs or people know they can trust their leader they will follow them anywhere, even if it means leaving their comfort zone. My dog, Layla, and I have that kind of trust. Who else would leave her cozy spot in front of a warm fire to go for a walk in sub-zero weather?

Share your wisdom.

People harmonize when they are tuned to the same frequency.

By Barbara Burke. December 8th, 2008

“You are experiencing what happens when you are happy. Happy from the inside. Happy people put out more positive energy. You aren’t aware that you are doing it. You can’t see it, but other people feel it. When they feel it, they respond to you in a positive way. They smile at you.”

Excerpted from the book, The Napkin, the Melon & the Monkey.

Once Olivia resigned from what she jokingly referred to as her self-appointed position as the “General Manager of the Universe,” she noticed that her life got a whole lot easier. Her ability to be more patient transformed her relationships both at home and at work. But what she hadn’t realized was that the happiness she was feeling on the inside was visible to others. She was mystified when strangers she encountered on the street smiled at her for “no reason.” Isabel, her wise friend, explained that all that smiling was a side effect of her new, happier feeling.

A recent study by researchers at Harvard proved that happiness is contagious. The study of 4700 people over 20 years concluded that people who are happy or become happy impact the happiness of those around them for up to a year. “You would think that your emotional state would depend on your own choices and actions and experience,” said researcher, Nicholas Christakis, a Harvard medical sociologist. “But it also depends on the choices and actions and experiences of other people, including people to whom you are not directly connected. Happiness is contagious.”

Make a difference. Be happy.